After moving to the D.R. And struggling with my personality, my new friends and weigh gosh it was also rough. In New York I was still a tween so normal stuff I guess going out with your parents all the time. Once we relocate to The Dominican Republic is a new phase and a new chapter of my life.
Life is completely different there is all about who you are, who you know, and what school you go to. My background was a modest family that had just relocated. My parents had a business which I kind of worked there as well. My new friends were rich kids that really did not work and had a very nice social life…again I felt so weird and so out-of-place.
All my life I felt that I didn’t belong I felt out-of-place and if you think about it that builds and makes you more of an ugly duckling with low self-esteem questioning who you are pleasing others for the sake of being liked.
Pleasing others…that shit was my life! Seriously I’m not sure how can someone be as innocent as I was while growing up. Obedient, good student, if my mom said you are not going outside I would not go outside. I had only one really close friend. I really had no family ties because we used to live in NY just a disaster of life.
As a Hispanic girl “Los Quince” ( to be 15th) is such a big deal…Kind of like the Sweet Sixteen. My parents were doing well and they decided to throw a huge birthday party…they decided to go all out. When someone has a birthday party don’t they have some say on it? Yes…well that was not my case. From my dress to the color, the cake, the venue, the everything was decided between my parents. I think I only picked the 15 girls and guys that participated in the dance. Honestly I don’t even think I wanted a party. I always said if I was given the choice I would had picked a car. They spent just as much in my birthday party. What a waste for just a few hours. I’m I ungrateful? I don’t know it seemed to me a waste of money.
My awkwardness was so big that inviting my classmates to my Quinceanera was such a huge thing for me. I was not sure how to approach them. My personality did not allow Me to invite a lot of them. Which after 20 something years they still hold that against me. If they only knew my struggles…. Funny, right? When you are so shy that you do not know how to go up to people and talk to them. People that you see everyday…it’s a scary thing.
After 5 years living in the D.R. My parents decided to go back to the U.S. I was almost finishing high school but in The D.R. A new kind of test was approved for the 12th grade and those freaked me out so I was so happy it was my way out of the bad exam.
As you can se my struggles comes from not belonging anywhere. I’m not Dominican, I’m not American, I have an accent, I don’t any family ties, no friends. It’s pretty crazy shit…
To be continued…